i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Randomize
