And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
