Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Maybe he injected his testicle?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
