your thong is hanging out like whoa
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
