Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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