Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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