Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
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I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
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Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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