i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
there's paper in my vomit.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
