I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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