community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
