Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
