Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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