This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
