My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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