Can i not drive my cunt home
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
