They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I deserve this hangover.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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