girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
