well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
