So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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