Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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