just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
