Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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