Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
