No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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