Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
