the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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