Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
