first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
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