Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
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I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
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My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know š
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out āmange moiā so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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