i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
