The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize