And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
