Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
