Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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