2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
