if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
