Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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