apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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