well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
