The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
