I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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