I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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