There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
