there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
