so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
