What a fucking waste of an outfit
It's Friday. Sex?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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