hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
