You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
