I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
