yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
