I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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