The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
