Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
