Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
