we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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