Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
it glows. i had to have it.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
