Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
