We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
