What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
