My friends, they love my intelligence
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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