and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
