I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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