He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
