life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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