Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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