The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
