people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
