Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
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