Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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