You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
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