just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Randomize
