he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
