Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
